


A Midsummer Night's Dale

by T_0_d_d



Category: Metamorphoses - Ovid, Midsummer Night's Dream - Shakespeare, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: AU, Athens, Comedy, F/F, F/M, Fairies, Gen, References to Shakespeare, Riverdale, Screenplay/Script Format, Shakespeare, Shakespearean Language, Strong Language, fox forest, haunted doll - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27319111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T_0_d_d/pseuds/T_0_d_d
Summary: As Sheriff Keller and Mayor McCoy prepare for their wedding day, a group of young lovers wanders into Fox Forest to escape the demands of Riverdale. However, they are not alone in the forest. Caught up in a different type of lover's quarrel, the youths' world is turned topsy turvy by forces they don't understand. Meanwhile, Kevin puts on some community theater, and Reggie mixes himself up in everything.
Relationships: Archie Andrews/Betty Cooper, Archie Andrews/Veronica Lodge, Betty Cooper/Jughead Jones, Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Jughead Jones/Veronica Lodge, Tom Keller/Sierra McCoy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	1. Act 1, Scene 1

1.1  _ Enter Mayor McCoy, Sheriff Keller, and Pop Tate, with others. Preparations for Sheriff Keller and Mayor McCoy’s wedding, on the grounds of Thistlehouse, are commencing.  _

**Mayor McCoy**

Now, fair Tom, our nuptial hour

Draws on apace. Four happy days bring in

Another moon -- but O, methinks, how slow

This old moon wanes! She lingers my desires

Like Nana Rose.

**Tom Keller**

Four days will quickly steep themselves in night;

Four nights will quickly dream away the time;

And then the moon, like a silver bow

New bents in heaven, shall behold the night of our solemnities

**Mayor McCoy**

Go, Pop,

Stir up the Riverdale youth to merriments.

Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth.

Turn melancholy forth to funerals--

The pale companion is not for our pomp.

_ [exit Pop Tate] _

Tom, I wooed thee with my law,

And won thy love doing thee injuries.

But I will wed thee in another key--

With pomp, with triumph, and with revelling.

_ Enter Mary Andrews and her son, Archie, and Veronica and Betty _

**Mary Andrews**

Happy be McCoy, our renowned Mayor

**Mayor McCoy**

Thanks, good Mary. What’s the news with thee?

**Mary**

Full of vexation come I, with complaint

Against my child, my son Archie--

Stand forth Betty-- My noble mayor,

This woman hath my consent to date Archie--

Stand forth Veronica,-- And my gracious mayor,

This hath bewitched the bosom of my child.

_ [turning to face Veronica] _

Thou, thou, Veronica, thou hast given him rhymes,

And interchanged love tokens with my child.

Thou hast by moonlight at his window sung

With feigning voice verses of feigning love,

And stol’n the impression of her fantasy

With bracelets of thy hair, rings, gauds, conceits,

Knacks, trifles, nosegays, sweetmeats-messengers with cunning hast thou filched my son’s heart, turned his obedience, which is due to me,

To stubborn harshness. And, my gracious sheriff,

_ [turning back to McCoy] _

Be it so he will not here, before your grace,

Consent to date Betty;

I beg the ancient privilege of Riverdale:

As he is mine, I may dispose of him--

Which shall be either to this gentle Betty

Or to his death, according to out law

Immediately provided in that case.

**Mayor McCoy**

What say you, Archie? Be advised, fair quarterback.

To you your mother should be as a god,

One that composed your six-pack, yea, and one

To whom you are but as a form in wax,

By her imprinted, and within her power

To leave the figure or disfigure it.

Betty is a worthy woman.

**Archie**

So is Veronica.

**Mayor McCoy**

In herself, she is;

But in this kind, wanting your mother’s voice,

The other must be held worthier.

**Archie**

I would my mother looked but with my eyes.

**Mayor McCoy**

Rather your eyes must with her judgement look.

**Archie**

I do entreat your grace to pardon me.

**Mayor McCoy**

Take time to pause, and by the next new moon--

_ [McCoy takes Keller’s hand] _

The sealing day betwixt my love and me

For everlasting bond of fellowship--

Upon that day either prepare to die 

For disobedience to your mother’s will,

Or else to date Betty, as she would.

**Betty**

Relent, sweet Archie; and Veronica, yield

Thy crazed title to my certain right.

**Veronica**

You have his mother’s love, Betty;

Let me have Archie’s. Do you marry her.

_ [to Mayor McCoy] _

I am, my mayor, as well derived as she,

As well possessed. My love is more than hers,

My college admission status every way as fairly ranked,

If not with vantage, as Veronica’s;

And--which is more than all these boasts can be--

I am beloved of beauteous Archie.

Why should not I then prosecute my right?

Betty-- I’ll avouch it to her head--

Made love to FP’s son, Jughead,

And won his soul, and he, sweet young man, dotes,

Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry, 

Upon this spotted and inconstant woman.

**Mayor McCoy**

I must confess that I have heard so much,

And with Betty thought to have spoke thereof;

But being, being over-full of self-affairs,

My mind did lose it. But, Betty, come,

And come Mary. You shall go with me.

I have some private schooling for you both.

For you, fair Archie, look you arm yourself

To fit your fancies to your mother’s will,

Or else the law of Riverdale yields you up.

Come, my Tom; what cheer, my love?

Betty and Mary, go along.

I must employ you in some business

Against our nuptial, and confer with you

Of something nearly that concerns yourselves.

**Mary**

With duty and desire we follow you.

_ [Exeunt all but Veronica and Archie] _

**Veronica**

How now, my love? Why is your cheek so pale?

How chance the roses there do fade so fast?

**Archie**

Belike for want of rain, which I could well

Beteem them for the tempest of my eyes.

**Veronica**

Ay me, for aught that I could ever read,

Could ever hear by tale of history,

The course of true love never did run smooth,

But either it was different in blood--

**Archie**

O cross! -- too high to be enthralled so low.

**Veronica**

Or else misgrafted in respect to years --

**Archie**

O spite -- too old to be engaged to young.

**Veronica**

Or merit stood upon the choice of friends --

**Archie**

O hell! -- to choose love by another’s eyes.

**Veronica**

Therefore hear me, Archie.

I have a widow aunt, a dowager

Of great revenue, and she hath no child.

From Riverdale is her house remote seven leagues-

And she respects me as her only daughter--

There, gentle Archie, may I date thee,

And to that place the sharp Riverdale law

Cannot pursue us. If thou lov’st me then, 

Steal forth thy mother’s house tomorrow night,

And in Fox Forest, a league without the town,

Where I did meet thee once with Jughead

To do observance to the Gargoyle King,

There I will stay for thee.

**Archie**

My good Veronica,

I swear to thee by Cupid’s strongest bow,

By his best arrow with the golden head,

By the simping of Venus’s doves,

By that which knitteth souls and prospers loves,

And by that fire which burned the Greendale queen

When the false homecoming results was seen;

By all the vows that ever women have broke--

In number more than ever men spoke--

In that same place thou hast appointed me

Tomorrow truly I will meet with thee.

**Veronica**

Keep promise, love. Look, here comes Jughead.

_ Enter Jughead _

**Archie**

Godspeed, chadly Jughead. Whither away?

**Jughead**

Call you me chadly? That ‘chadly’ again unsay.

Betty loves you chadly--O happy chad!

Your abs are ripped, and your tongue’s sweet air 

More tunable than lark to shepherd’s ear,

When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds appear.

Sickness is catching. O, were favor so!

Your words I catch, chadly Archie; ere I go,

My ear should catch your voice, my eye your eye,

My tongue should catch your tongue’s sweet melody.

Were the world mine, Betty being bated,

The rest I’d give to be to you translated.

O, teach me how you look, and with what art

You sway the motion of Betty’s heart.

The more I love, the more she hateth me.

**Archie**

Her folly, Jug, is no fault of mine.

**Jughead**

None but your hotness; would that fault be mine!

**Archie**

Take comfort. She no more shall see my face.

Veronica and myself will fly this place.

Before the time I did Veronica see

Seemed Riverdale as a paradise to me.

O then, what graces in my love do dwell,

That she hath turned a heaven unto a hell?

**Veronica**

Jug, to you our minds we will unfold.

Tomorrow night, when Phoebe doth behold 

Her silver visage in the wat’ry glass,

Decking with liquid pearls the bladed grass-

A time that lovers’ flights doth still conceal-

Through Riverdale’s gates have we devised to steal.

**Archie**

And in the wood where often you and I

Upon faint primrose beds were wont to lie,

Emptying our bosoms of their counsel sweet,

There my Veronica and myself shall meet,

And thence from Riverdale turn away out eyes

To seek new friends and stranger companies.

Farewell, sweet playfellow. Pray thou for us,

And good luck grant thee thy Betty--

Keep work, Veronica. We must starve out sight

From lovers’ food till morrow deep midnight.

**Veronica**

I will, my Archie

_ Exit Archie _

Jughead, adieu.

As you on her, Betty dote on you.

_ Exit Veronica _

**Jughead**

How happy some o’er other some can be!

Through Riverdale I am thought as hot as he.

But what of that? Betty thinks not so.

She will not know what all but she do know.

And as she errs, doting on Archie’s abs,

So I, admiring her qualities.

Things base and vile, holding no quantity,

For ere Betty looked on Archie’s abs

She hailed down oaths that she was only mine,

And when this hail some heat from Archie felt,

So she dissolved, and showers of oath did melt.

I will go tell her of chadly Archie’s flight.

Then to the wood will she tomorrow night

Pursue him, and for this intelligence 

If I have thanks it is a dear expense.

But herein, mean I to enrich my pain,

To have his sight thither and back again

_ Exit. _

I'll be providing a quick summary of each scene as I publish them. I hope that this will help people follow the plot, even if they may be unfamiliar with the language used. :)  
\--  
In this scene, as Mayor McCoy and Sheriff Keller prepare for their wedding day, Mary Andrews approaches with a problem. Her son, Archie, has fallen in love with Veronica, but Mary does not approve of the match, instead favoring Betty. The harsh law of Riverdale dictates the death penalty for youths that refuse to obey their parent's wishes. Mayor McCoy tells Archie he must bend to his mother's will by the time she marries Sheriff Keller, or face the ultimate punishment. Archie and Veronica plan to run away into Fox Forest together. As they escape, Archie runs into his best friend Jughead, and he tells him the plan. However, Jughead is in love with Betty. He tells Betty of Archie's plan. She runs off after them, and Jughead runs off after her.


	2. Act 1, Scene 2

1.2  _ The ballroom of Thistlehouse. It is empty of people, but full of tables, chairs, and wedding decorations that have yet to be set up. Enter Kevin, Reggie, Fangs, Sweetpea, Dilton Doiley, and Ethel. _

**Kevin**

Is all our company here?

**Reggie**

You were best to call them generally, person by person, according to the scrip.

**Kevin**

Here is the scroll of everyone in Riverdale High who signed up to play in our interlude before the Mayor and Sheriff on their wedding day at night.

**Reggie**

First, good, Kevin, say what the play treats on; then read the names of the actors; and so grow to a point

_ [Kevin rolls his eyes] _

**Kevin**

Marry, our play is  _ The Most Lamentable Comedy and Most Cruel Death of Pyramus and Thisbe _ .

**Reggie**

A very good piece of work, I assure you, and a merry. Now, good Kevin, call forth your actors by the scroll. Masters, spread yourselves.

**Kevin**

Answer as I call you. Reggie Mantle, the football captain?

**Reggie**

Ready. Name what part I am for, and proceed.

**Kevin**

You, Reggie, are set down for Pyramus

**Reggie**

What is Pyramus? A lover or a tyrant?

**Kevin**

A lover, that kills himself, most gallant, for love.

**Reggie**

That will ask some tears in the true performing of it. If I do it, let the audience look to their eyes. I will move storms. I will condole, in some measure. To the rest--Yet my chief humor is for tyrant. A lover is more condoling.

**Kevin**

Fangs Fogarty, gang members?

**Fangs**

Here, Kevin

**Kevin**

Fangs, you must take Thisbe on you

**Fangs**

What is Thisbe, a wandering knight?

**Kevin**

It is a lady that Pryamus must love.

**Fangs**

Nay, faith, let me not play a woman. I have a beard coming. Can’t Ethel do it? 

**Kevin**

You shall play it in a mask, and you may speak as small as you will.

**Reggie**

An I may hide my face, let me play Thisbe too, I’ll speak in a monstrous little voice: “Thisne, Thisne!” -- “Ah Pyramus, my lover dear, the Thisbe dear and lady dear.”

**Kevin**

_ Angrily  _ No, no, you must play Pyramus; and Fangs, you Thisbe.

**Reggie**

Well, proceed.

**Kevin**

Sweetpea, the other gang member?

**Sweetpea**

Here, Kevin

**Kevin**

Sweetpea, you must play Thisbe’s mother. Dilton Doiley, with the dead dad?

**Dilton**

Dude what the fuck

**Kevin**

You, Pyramus’ father; myself, Thisbe’s father. Ethel, you the lion’s part, and I hope here is a play fitted.

**Ethel**

Have you the lion’s part written? Pray you, if it be, give it me; for I am slow of study.

**Kevin**

You may do it extempore, for it is nothing but roaring.

**Reggie**

Let me play the lion too. I will roar that I will do any man’s heart good to hear me. I will roar that I will make the Mayor say “Let him roar again; let him roar again.”   
  


**Kevin**

An you should do it too terribly you would fright Sheriff Keller and he would shoot you on the spot.

**All**

And that would hang us, every one.

**Kevin**

You can play no part but Pyramus; for Pyramus is a sweet-faced man; a proper man as one shall see in a summer’s day; a most lovely, gentlemanlike man. Therefore you must need play Pyramus. Masters, here are your parts, and I am to entreat you, request youm and desire you to con them by tomorrow night, and meet me in Fox Forest a mile without the town by moonlight. There will we rehearse; for if we meet in Riverdale we shall be dogged with company, and our devices known. In the meantime, I will draw a bill of properties such as out play wants. I pray you fail me not.

**Reggie**

We will meet, and there we may rehearse most obscenely and courageously. Take pains; be perfect. Adieu.

_ Exeunt _

I'll be providing a quick summary of each scene as I publish them. I hope that this will help people follow the plot, even if they may be unfamiliar with the language used. :)

\--

In this scene, Kevin, Reggie, Fangs, Sweetpea, Dilton, and Ethel, meet up and decide to put on a play for Mayor McCoy and Sheriff Keller’s wedding. They are putting on The Most Lamentable Comedy and Most Cruel Death of Pyramus and Thisbe, a tragic story about two star-crossed lovers. Kevin assigns the parts, and Reggie gets a little too excited about the play. They all agree to meet up to practice in Fox Forest tomorrow night.


	3. Act 2, Scene 1

2.1  _ The breakfast nook of Thistlehouse, late at night. In a spot of moonlight, Julian, the creepy doll sits, inert, until a River Vixen wanders in, when he springs to life. _

**Julian**

How now, spirit, whither wander you?

**River Vixen**

Over hill, over dale

Over park, over pale,

I do wander everywhere

Swifter than the moones sphere,

And I serve the Cheryl Queen

To dew her orbs upon the green. 

Farewell, thou lob of spirits; I’ll be gone.

Our Queen and all her elved come here anon.

**Julian**

Toni doth keep her revels here tonight.

Take heed the Queen not within her sight,

For Toni is passing fell and wrath

Because that she, as her attendant, hath

And jealous Toni would have the girl

Knight of her train, to deal drugs in the forest, wild,

But she perforce withholds the loved girl,

Crowns her with flowers, and makes her all her joy.

And now they never meet in grove, or green,

By fountain clear, or spangled starlight sheen,

But they do square, that all their girls fear.

**River Vixen**

Either I mistake your shape and making quite

Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Julian Blossom. Are not you he

That frighted your own lord Topaz, Toni?

**Julian**

Thou speak’st aright;

I am that merry wanderer of the night.

But I jest to Toni, and make her smile

And now not her, but Cheryl, I beguile.

But room, Vixen: here come Toni.

**River Vixen**

And here my mistress. Would that she were gone.

_ Enter Toni and the Pretty Poisons at one door, and Cheryl and the River Vixens at another. _

**Toni**

Ill met by moonlight, proud Cheryl.

**Cheryl**

What, jealous Toni? -- Vixens, skip hence.

I have forsworn her bed and company.

**Toni**

Tarry, rash wanton. Am I not thy lady?

**Cheryl**

Then I must be thy lady; but I know

When thou hast stol’n away from Thistlehouse.

Why art thou here

Come from the farthest step of the Southside,

But that, forsooth, the bouncing biker girls,

Your buskined mistress and your warrior love,

Who wish for the Mayor and Sheriff’s blessing, and you come

To give their wedding joy and prosperity?

**Toni**

How canst thou thus for shame, Cheryl,

Glance at my credit with the newlyweds,

Knowing I know why you offered your estate?

Didst not thou let them use Thistlehouse free of charge

To secure funding for the Vixens, writ large?

**Cheryl**

These are the forgeries of jealousy,

And never since the middle summer’s spring

Met we on hill, in dale, forest, or mead

To dance with our ringlets to the whistling wind

But with thy brawls thou hast disturbed our sport.

**Toni**

Do you amend it, then. It lied in you.

Why should Cherly cross her Toni?

I do but beg a little River Vixen

To be a Pretty Poison.

**Cheryl**

Set your heart at rest. 

Full often hath she gossiped by my side,

And sat with me on Sweetwater’s yellow sands,

For her sake, she I do take her as a Vixen;

And for her sake, I will not part with her.

**Toni**

How long at Thistlehouse intend you stay?

**Cheryl**

Perchance till after McCoy’s wedding day.

If you will patiently dance in our round,

And see our moonlight revels, go with us.

If not, shun me, and I will spare your haunts.

**Toni**

Give me that girl and I will go with thee.

**Cheryl**

Not for thy entire Southside. -- Vixens, away.

We shall chide downright if I longer stay.

_ Exuent Cheryl and Vixens. Toni, the Pretty Poisons, and Julian walk out of Thistlehouse, into Fox Forest. _

**Toni**

Well, go thy way. Thou shalt not from this grove

Till I torment thee for this injury--

My gentle Julian, come hither. Thou rememb’rest

Since once I sat upon a promontory

And spied a little western flower--

Purple with love’s wound:

And maidens call it ‘love-in-idleness’.

Fetch me that flower; the herb I showed thee once.

The juice of it on sleeping eyelids laid

Will make mand or woman madly dote

Upon the next live creature that it sees.

Fetch me this herb, and be thou here again

Ere the leviathan can swim a league.

**Julian**

I’ll put a girdle round this town 

In fourty minutes

**Toni**

Having once this juice

I’ll watch Cheryl when she is asleep,

And drop the liquor of it in her eyes.

The next thing then she waking looks upon--

Be it on Gargoyle King, bear, or serial killer, or cannibal,

She shall pursue it with the soul of love.

And ere I take this charm from off her sight--

As I can take it with another herb--

I’ll make there render up her Vixen to me.

But who comes here? I am invisible,

And I will overhear their conference

_ Enter Betty, with Jughead following her _

**Betty**

I love thee not, therefore pursue me not.

Where is Veronica, and chadly Archie?

That one I’ll slay, the other slayeth me.

Thou told’st me they were stol’n unto this wood,

And here am I, and wood within this wood

Because I cannot meet my Archie.

Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more.

**Jughead**

You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant,

But yet you draw not iron, for my heart

Is true as steel. Leave you your power to draw,

And I shall have no power to follow you. 

**Betty**

Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair?

Or rather do I not in plainest truth

Tell you I do not nor I cannot love you?

**Jughead**

And even for that do I love you the more.

I am your spaniel, and, Betty,

The more you beat me I will fawn on you.

Use me as your spaniel: spurn me, strike me,

Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,

Unworthy as I am, to follow you.

What worser place can I ged in your love--

And yet a place of high respect with me--

Than to be used as you use your dog?

**Betty**

Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit;

For I am sick when I do look on thee.

**Jughead**

And I am sick when I look not on you.

**Betty**

You do impeach your modesty too much,

To leave Riverdale and commit yourself

Into the hands of one that love you not

To trust the opportunity of night,

And the ill counsel of a desert place,

With the rich worth of your virginity.

Let me go;

Or if thou follow me, do not believe

But I shall do thee mischief in the wood.

**Jughead**

Ay, in the office of the Blue and Gold, in the town, the bunker,

You do me mischief. Fie, Betty,

Your wrongs do set a scandal on my sex.

We cannot fight for love as women may do;

We should be wooed, and were not made to woo.

I’ll follow thee, and make a heaven of hell,

To die upon the hand I love so well.

_ Exit Betty, Jughead following her _

**Toni**

Fare thee well, Jug. Ere he do leave this grove

Thou shalt fly her, and she shall seek thy love.

_ Enter Julian _

Hast thou the flower there? Welcome, wanderer.

**Julian**

Ay, there it is.

**Toni**

I pray thee give it me.

I know a bank where the wild thyme blows, 

There sleeps Cheryl sometime of the night,

And with the juice of this I’ll streak her eyes,

And make her full of hateful fantasies.

Take thou some of it, and seek through this grove.

A sweet Riverdale man is in love

With a disdainful youth. Anoint her eyes;

But do it when the next thing she espies may be the man. Thou shalt know the woman

By the Riverdale Cheer Varsity Jacket she hath on.

Effect it with some care, that she may prove

More fond on him than he upon his love;

And look thou meet me ere the first cock crow.

**Julian**

Fear not, Toni. Your servant shall do so.

_ Exeunt severally _

I'll be providing a quick summary of each scene as I publish them. I hope that this will help people follow the plot, even if they may be unfamiliar with the language used. :)

\--

A lot happens in this scene. First, one of the River Vixens runs into Julian, the haunted doll, in Thistlehouse. Together, they talk about the argue Cheryl and Toni have been in recently. Cheryl has a new member of the River Vixens, who Toni think would be a great drug dealer for the Pretty Poisons. Cheryl has refused to hand her over to Toni, and so their relationship has been in dire straits. As Julian and the Vixen chat, Cheryl and Toni walk in. They argue over the girl and accuse each other of petty things. Cheryl leaves with the Vixens, and Toni and Julian walk into Fox Forest. Julian leaves to get Toni a magic herb that will make Cheryl fall in love with the next thing she sees. As Julian leaves, Betty and Jughead come in. Jughead is begging Betty’s attention, but Betty is focused on finding Archie. Toni feels bad for Jughead. After they leave, Julian comes back with the magic herb. Toni leaves to use the herb on Cheryl, but also tells Julian to use some of the herb on a young woman running around the forest in a Riverdale High Varsity Jacket.


	4. Act 2, Scene 2

2.2  _ Enter Cheryl and the River Vixens _

**Cheryl**

Come, now a roundel and a vixen song,

Sing me now asleep;

Then to your offices, and let me rest.

_ She lies down. The Vixens sing and dance an oversexualized pop tune of the day. Cheryl sleeps, and the River Vixens exit. Toni enters, and drops the juice on Cheryl’s eyelids. _

**Toni**

What thou seest when thou dost wake,

Do it for thy true love take;

Wake when some vile thing is near

_ Toni exits. Enter Veronica and Archie. _

**Veronica**

Chadly love, you faint with wand’ring in the wood,

And, to speak truth, I have forgot our way.

We’ll rest us, Archie, if you think it good,

And tary for the comfort of the day.

**Archie**

Be it so, Veronica. Find you out a bed;

For I upon this rock will rest my head.

_ He lies down _

**Veronica**

One turf shall serve as pillow for us both:

One heart, one bed, two bosoms, and one troth.

**Archie**

Wait I’m confused, how can we both sleep in one bed?

**Veronica**

God, just forget about it Archie.

_ They lie down, separately. Enter Julian. _

**Julian**

Through the forest have I gone,

But Dalean found I none

On whose eyes I might approve

This flower’s force in stirring love. 

Night and Silence. Who is here?

A Riverdale High Cheer Varsity Jacket she doth wear.

This is she my master said--

And here the himbo, sleeping sound

On the dank and dirty ground.

Pretty soul, he durst not lie

Near this lack-love, this kill-courtesy.

Churl, upon thy eyes I throw

All the powers this charm doth owe.

_ He drops the juice on Veronica’s eyelids _

When thou wak’st, let love forbid

Sleep her seat on this eyelid.

So awake when I am gone.

For I must now to Toni, anon.

_ Enter Betty and Jughead, running _

**Jughead**

Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Betty.

**Betty**

I charge thee hence, and do not haunt me thus.

**Jughead**

O, wilt thou darkling leave me? Do not so.

**Betty**

Stay, on thy peril; I alone will go.  _ Exit _

**Jughead**

O, I am out of breath in this fond chase.

The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace.

Happy is Archie, wheresoe’er he lies;

For he hath blessed and attractive abs.

How came his abs so bright? Not with salt tears--

If so, my eyes are oft’ner washed than his.   
Made me compare with Archie’s shredded abs?

But who is here? Veronica, on the ground?

Dead, or asleep? I see no blood, no wound. 

Veronica, if you live, good Lodge, awake.

**Veronica**

_ Waking _

And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake.

Transparent Jughead, nature shows art

That through thy bosom makes me see thy heart.

Where is Betty? O, how fit a word

Is that vile name to perish on my sword!

**Jughead**

Do not say so, Veronica; say not so.

What though she love your Archie? Lord, what though?

Yet Archie still loved you; then be content.

**Veronica**

Content with Archie? No I do repent

The tedious minutes with him I have spent.

Not Archie, but Jughead I love.

Who will not change an Archie for a Jug?

The will of a woman is by her reasons swayed,

And reason says you are the worthier chad.

Things growing are not ripe until their season,

So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason.

And, touching now the point of human skill,

Reason becomes the marshal to my willm

And leads me to your eyes, where I o’erlook

Love’s stories written in the love’s richest book.

**Jughead**

Wherefore was I to this keen mock’ry born?

When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?

Is’t not enough, is’t not enough, young woman,

That I did never--no, no never can--

Deserve a sweet look from Betty’s eye,

But you must flout my insufficiency?

Good troth, you do me wrong--good sooth, you do--

In such disdainful manner me to woo.

But fare you well. Perforce I must confess

I though you lady of more gentleness.

O, that a man of one lady refused

Should of another therefore be abused!  _ Exit _

**Veronica**

He sees not Archie. Archie, sleep thou there,

And never mayst thou come Veronica near;

For as a surfeit of the sweetest things

The deepest loathing to the stomach brings,

Or as the heresies that women do have

Are hated most of those they deceive,

So thou, my surfiet and my heresy,

Of all be hated, but most of me;

And all my powers, address your love and might

To honor Jug and to be his knight.  _ Exit _

**Archie** _ (waking) _

Help me, Veronica, help me! Do they best

To pluck this crawling serpent from my breast!

Ay me for pity. What a dream was here?

Veronica, look how I do quake with fear.

Methought a serpent ate my heart away,

And you sat smiling at his cruel prey.

Veronica-what, removed? Veronica --

What out of hearing, gone? No sound, no word?

Alack, where are you? Speak an if you hear,

Speak, of all loves. I swoon almost with fear.

No? Then I well perceive you are not nigh.

Either death or you I’ll find immediately.

_ Exit _

I'll be providing a quick summary of each scene as I publish them. I hope that this will help people follow the plot, even if they may be unfamiliar with the language used. :)

\--

This scene begins with Toni dripping some of the magic herb on Cheryl, while she is asleep. Nearby, Archie and Veronica decide to sleep, after Veronica fails to proposition Archie. As they sleep, Julian sneaks in, and sees Veronica, in her Varsity Jacket. He figures that she must be the young woman that Toni was talking about, and drips the magic herbs on her eyes. Betty and Jughead run in, but Betty is so concerned with finding Archie, that she runs past them, leaving Jughead alone in the dark. Jughead stumbles upon Veronica, and wakes her up, causing Veronica to fall in love with him! Veronica confesses her love, and Jughead is sure that she is making fun of him. He runs off and Veronica follows. Archie wakes up alone, and abandoned by the woman he loves.


	5. Act 3, Scene 1

3.1  _ Enter the clowns: Kevin, Ethel, Reggie, Fangs, Dilton, and Sweetpea. _

**Reggie**

Are we all met?

**Kevin**

Pat, pat; and here’s a marvellous convenient place for our rehearsal. This green plot shall be our stage, this hawthorn brake our tiring-house, and we will do it in action as we will do it before the Mayor. But, there are two hard things: that is, to bring moonlight into a chamber--for you know Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight. 

**Dilton**

Doth the moon shine that night we play our play?

**Reggie**

A calendar, a calendar, look in the almanac, find out moonshine, find out moonshine

_ [enter Julian, invisible] _

**Kevin**

_ Consulting an almanac _

Yes, it doth shine that night

**Reggie**

Why, then may you leave a casement of the great chamber window where we play open, and the moon may shine in at the casement.

**Kevin**

Ay, then there is another: we must have a wall in the great chamber; for Pyramus and Thisbe, says the story, did talk through the chink of a wall.

**Milton**

You can never bring in a wall. What say you, Reggie?

**Reggie**

Some man or other must present Wall; and let him have some plaster, or some loam, or some roughcast about him to signify ‘wall’; and let him hold his fingers thus, and through that cranny shall Pyramus and Thisbe whisper.

**Kevin**

If that may be, then all is well. Come, sit down every one, and rehearse your parts. Pyramus, you begin. When you have spoken your speech, enter into that brake; and so everyone according to his cue.

**Julian** _ (aside) _ _   
_ What hempen homespuns have we swagg’ring here

So near the cradle of the Vixen Queen?

What, a play toward? I’ll be an auditor--

An actor, too, perhaps, if I see cause.

**Kevin**

Speak, Pyramus. Thisbe, stand forth.

**Reggie** _ (As Pyramus) _

Thisbe, the flowers of odious savours sweet.

**Kevin**

Odours, odours.

**Reggie** _ (As Pyramus) _

Odours savors sweet.

So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisbe dear.

But hark, a voice. Stay thou but here a while, 

And by and by I will to thee appear.  _ Exit _

**Fangs**

Must I speak now?

**Kevin**

Ay, marry must you. For you must understand he goes but to see a noise that he heard, and is to come again.

**Fangs** _ (as Thisbe) _

Most radiant Pyramus, most lily-white of hue,

Of color like the red rose on triumphant brier;

Most bristly juvenile, and eke like most lovely jewel

As true as truest horse that yet would never tire:

I’ll meet thee Pyramus at Ninny’s tomb.

**Kevin**

Ninus’ tomb, man! -- Why, you must not speak that yet. That you answer to Pyramus. You speak all your part at one, cues and all. -- Pyramus, enter: your cue is past; it is ‘never tire’.

**Fangs**

O.

_ (as Thisbe) _

As true as truest horse that yet would never tire.

_ Enter Julian leading Reggie with the ass-head. _

**Reggie**

_ (as Pyramus) _

If I were fair, Thisbe, I were only thine.

**Kevin**

O monstrous! O strange! We are haunted. Pray, masters; fly, masters. Help!  _ [The clowns all exeunt] _

**Reggie**

Why do they run away? This is a knavery of them to make me afeard.

_ Enter Dilton _

**Dilton**

O Reggie, thou art changed. What do I see on thee?

**Reggie**

What do you see? You see an ass-head of your own, do you?  _ [Exit Dilton] _

_ Enter Kevin _

**Kevin**

Bless thee, Reggie, bless thee. Thou art translated.

_ Exit _

**Reggie**

I see their knavery. This is to make an ass of me, to fright me, if they could; but I will not stir from this place, so what they can. I will walk up and down here, and I will sings, that they shall hear I am not afraid.

_ Reggie sings Radioactive by Imagine Dragons _

**Cheryl** _ (waking) _

What angel wakes me from my flow’ry bed?

_ Reggie continues to sing. _

**Cheryl**

I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again.

Mine ear is much enamoured of thy note;

So is mine eye enthralled to they shape;

And they fair virtues’s force perforce doth move me

On the first view to say, to swear, I love thee.

**Reggie**

Methink, mistress, you should have little reason for that. And yet, to essay the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays--the more the pity that some honest neighbors will not make them friends. Nay, I can gleek upon occasion.

**Cheryl**

Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.

**Reggie**

Not so, neither; but if I had wit enough to get out of this wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn.

**Cheryl**

Out of this wood do not desire to go.

Thou shalt remain here, whether thou wilt or no.

I am a spirit of no common rate:

This summer still doth tend upon my state;

And I do love thee. Therefore go with me.

I’ll give thee Vixens to attend on thee

Audrey, Nancy Woods, Brigette Reilley, and Josie!

_ Enter Four Vixens, Audrey, Nancy Woods, Brigette Reilly, and Josie McCoy _

**Josie**

Ready.

**Audrey**

And I.

**Nancy**

And I.

**Brigette**

And I.

**All together**

Where shall we go?

**Cheryl**

Be kind and courteous to this gentleman.

Hop in his walks, gambol in his eyes.

Feed him with apricots and dewberries,

Nod to him, Vixens, and do him courtesies.

**Josie**

Hail, mortal

**Audrey**

Hail.

**Nancy**

Hail.

**Brigette**

Hail.

**Cheryl**

Come, wait upon him, lead him to my bower. 

The moons, methink, looks with a wat’ry eye,

And when she weeps, weeps every little flower,

Lamenting some enforced chastity.

Tie up my love’s tongue; bring him silently.  _ Exeunt _

I'll be providing a quick summary of each scene as I publish them. I hope that this will help people follow the plot, even if they may be unfamiliar with the language used. :)

\--

Near where Cheryl sleeps, Kevin, Reggie, and the rest of the actors begin to rehearse their play. Julian wanders in and sees an opportunity. When Reggie is offstage, Julian replaces Reggie’s head with the head of a donkey. When Reggie reappears in front of his friends, they run off in terror. Reggie think they are trying to scare him, and sings a song to keep his spirits up. This wakes up Cheryl, and she falls in love with him, donkey head and all. She calls upon the River Vixens to attend to Reggie, and she fawns over him.

P.S. So sorry for the long wait for this update, the holiday break has been very busy :)


	6. Act 3, Scene 2

3.2  _ Enter Toni _

**Toni**

I wonder if Cheryl be awaked,

Then what it was that next came in her eye,

Which she must dote on in extremity.

_ Enter Julian _

Here comes my messenger. How now, mad spirit?

What nightrule now about this haunted grove?

**Julian**

My mistress with a monster is in love,

Near to her close and consecrated bower.

While she was in her dull and sleeping hour

A crew of patches, rude high schoolers,

That work to impress their rulers,

Were met together to rehearse a play

Intended for McCoy’s nuptial day.

The shallowest thickskin of that barren sort,

Who Pyramus presented in their sport,

Forsook his scene and entered in a brake,

When I did him at this advantage take.

An ass’s nole I fixed on his head.

Anon his Thisbe must be answered.

The players sense thus weak, lost with their fears this strong,

Made senseless things begin to do them wrong.

For briers and thorns at their apparel snatch;

Some sleeves, some hats--from yielders all things catch.

I led them on in this distracted fear,

And left sweet Pyramus translated there;

When in that moments, so it came to pass

Cheryl waked and straightway loved an ass.

**Toni**

This falls out better than I could devise.

But hast thou yet latched the Dalean’s eyes

With the love juice, as I did bid thee do?

**Julian**

I took her sleeping-that is finished too--

And the Dalean man by her side,

That when she waked of force he must be eyed.

_ Enter Betty and Archie _

**Toni**

Stand close. This is the same Varsity Jacket.

**Julian**

This is the man, but not this the woman.

**Betty**

O, why rebuke you her that loves you so?

Lay breath so bitter on your bitter foe.

**Archie**

Now I but chide, but I should use thee worse;

For thou, I fear, hast given me cause to curse.

If thou hast slain Veronica in her sleep,

Being o’er shoes in blood, plunge in the deep,

And kill me too.

The sun was not so true unto the day

As she to me. Would she have stolen away

From sleeping Archie? 

It cannot be but thou hast murdered her.

So a should a killer look: so dead, so grim.

**Betty**

So should the murdered look, and so should I,

Pierced through the heart with your stern cruelty.

Yet you, the murderer, look as bright, as clear

As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere.

**Archie**

What’s this to my Veronica? Where is she?

Ah, good Betty, wilt thou give him me?

Hast thou slain her then?

Henceforth be never numbered as my friend.

O, once tell true; tell true, even for my sake.

Durst thou looked upon her being awake,

And hast thou killed her sleeping? O brave touch!

Could not a worm, an adder do so much?

An adder did it, for the doubler tongue

Than thine, thou serpent, never adder stung.

**Betty**

You spend your passion on a misprised mood.

I am not guilty of Betty’s blood,

Nor is she dead, for aught that I can tell.

**Archie**

I pray thee, tell me then that she is well.

**Betty**

And if I could, what should I get therefor?

**Archie**

A privilege never to see me more;

And from thy hated presence part I so.

See me no more, whether he be dead or no.  _ Exit _

**Betty**

There is no following him in this fierce vein.

Here therefore for a while I will remain.

So sorrow’s heaviness doth heavier grow

For debt that bankrupt sleep doth sorrow owe,

Which now in some slight measure it will pay,

If for his tender here I make some stay.

_ She lies down and sleeps _

**Toni** _ (to Julian) _

What hast thou done? Thou hast mistaken quite,

And laid the love juice on some true love’s sight.

Of thy misprision must perforce ensue

Some true love turned, and not a false turned true.

**Julian**

Then fate o’errules, that, one man holding troth,

A million fail, confounding oath on oath.

**Toni**

About the wood go swifter than the wind,

And Jughead of Riverdale look thou find.

All fancy-sick he is, and pale of cheer

With sighs of love that costs the fresh blood dear.

By some illusion see thou bring him here.

I’ll charm her eyes against he do appear.

**Julian**

I go, I go. Look how I go,

Swifter than arrow from misandrist’s bow  _ Exit _

**Toni**

Flower of this purple dye,

Hit with Cupid’s archery,

Sink in apple of her eye.

_ She drops the juice on Betty’s eyelids _

When her love she doth espy

Let him shine as gloriously

As the Venus of the sky.

When thou wak’st, if he be by,

Beg of him for remedy.

_ Enter Julian _

**Julian**

Captain of our pretty band,

Jughead is here at hand,

And the youth mistook by me,

Pleading for a lover’s fee.

Shall we their fond pageant see?

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

**Toni**

Stand aside. The noise they make

Will cause Betty to awake.

**Julian**

Then will two at once woo one.

That must needs be sport alone;

And those things do best please me

That befal prepost’rously.

_ Enter Jughead, Veronica following him _

**Veronica**

Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?

Scorn and derision never come in tears.

Look when I vow, I weep; and vows so born,

In their nativity all truth appears.

How can these things in me seem scorn to you,

Bearing the badge of faith prove them true?

**Jughead**

You do advance you cunning more and more,

When truth kills truth-- O devilish holy fray!

These vow’s are Archie’s. With you give it him o’er?

Weigh oath with oath, and you will nothing weigh.

Your vows to him and me out in two scale

Will even weigh, and both as light as tales.

**Veronica**

I had no judgement when to him I swore.

**Jughead**

Nor none, in my mind, now you giver him o’er.

**Veronica**

Betty loves him, and she loves not you.

**Betty**

O Juggy, adonis, nymph, perfect, divine!

To what my love, shall I compare thine eyne?

Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show

Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!

O, let me kiss

This prince of pure white, this seal of bliss!

**Jughead**

O spite! O hell! I see you are all bent 

To set against me for your merriment.

If you were civil, and knew courtesy,

You would not do me this much injury.

Can you not hate me--as I know you do--

But you must join in souls to mock me too?

To vow and swear and superpraise my parts

When I am sure you hate me with your hearts.

You both are rivals and love Archie

And now both rivals to mock Juggy.

**Veronica**

You are unkind, Betty. Be not so.

For you love Archie; this you know I know.

And her with all good will, with all my heart,

In Archie’s love I yield you up my part;

And yours of Jughead to me bequeath,

Whom I do love, and will do till my death.

**Jughead**

Never did mockers waste more idle breath.

**Betty**

Veronica, keep thy Archie. I will none.

If e’er I loved him, all that love is gone.

My heart to him but as a guestwise sojourned.

And now to Juggy is it home returned,

There to remain.

**Veronica**

Juggy, it is not so!

**Betty**

Disparage not the faith thou dost not know,

Led to they peril thou aby it dear.

_ Enter Archie _

Look where thy love comes; yonder is they dear.

**Archie**

Dark night, that from the eye his function takes, 

The ear more quick apprehension makes.

Where in doth impair the seeing sense,

It pays the hearing double recompense.

Thou art not by mine eye, Veronica, found;

Mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound.

But why unkindly didst thou leave me so?

**Veronica**

Why should she stay whom love doth press to go?

**Archie**

What love could press Veronica from my side?

**Veronica**

Veronica’s love, that would not let her bide:

Chadly Jughead, who more engilds the night

Than all yon fiery O’s and eyes of light.

Why seek’st thou me? Could not this make thee know

The hate I bare thee made me leave thee so?

**Archie**

i’m confused bby :(

**Jughead**

Lo, he is one of this confederacy.

Now I perceive they have conjoined all three

To fashion this false sport in spite of me.

Injurious Archie, most ungrateful man,

Have you conspired, have you with these contrives

To bait me with this foul derision?

The brother’s vows, the hours that we have spent

When we have chid the hasty-footed time

For parting us--O, is all quite forgot?

All schooldays’ friendship, childhood innocence?

We grew together,

And will you rend our ancient love asunder 

To join with women scorning your poor friend?

It is not friendly, ‘tis not chadly.

Our sex as well as I may chide you for it,

Though I alone do feel the injury.

**Archie**

I am amazed at your passionate words.

I scorn you not. It seems that you scorn me.

**Jughead**

Have you seen not set Veronica, as in scorn,

To follow me, and praise my eyes and face?

And made your other love, Betty--

Who even now did spurn with her foot--

To call me adonis, nymph, divine, and rare,

Precious and celestial? Wherefore speaks she this

To him she hates? And wherefore doth Veronica

Deny your love, so rich within her soul,

And tender me, forsooth, affection,

But by your setting on, by your consent?

What though I be not so in grace as you,

So hung upon with love, so fortunate,

But miserable most, to love unloved--

This you should pity rather than despise.

**Archie**

Bro I’m really confused

**Jughead**

Ay, do. Persever, counterfeit sad looks,

Make mouths upon me when I turn my back,

Wink at each other, hold the sweet jest up.

This sport well carried shall be chronicled.

But fare ye well. ‘Tis partly my own fault,,

Which death or absence soon shall remedy.

**Veronica**

Stay, gentle Jughead, hear my excuse,

My love, my life, my soul, chadly Jughead.

**Jughead**

O excellent!

**Archie** _ (To Veronica) _

Sweet, do not scorn him so.

**Betty** _ (To Veronica) _

If he cannot entreat I can compel.

**Veronica**

Thou canst compel no more than he can entreat.

Thy threats have no more strength than his weak prayers--

Juggy, I love thee; by my life I do.

I swear by that which I will lose for thee

To prove her false that says I love thee not.

**Betty** _ (to Jughead) _

I say I love thee more than she can do.

**Veronica**

If thou say so, withdraw, and prove it too!

**Betty** _ [she picks up a large bludgeoning stone] _

Quick, come!

**Archie** _ [Clutching Veronica] _

Veronica, whereto tends all this?

**Veronica**

Away, you incel.

**Betty**

No, no, yield.

Seem to break loose, take on as you would follow,

But yet come not. You are a tame woman; go.

**Veronica** _ (to Archie) _

Hang off, thou cat, thou burr; vile thing, let loose,

Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent.

**Archie**

Why are you grown so rude? What change is this, 

Sweet love?

**Veronica**

Thy love? Out, nasty incel, out;

Out loathed med’cine; O hated portion, hence.

**Archie**

Do you not jest?

**Jughead**

Yes, sooth, and so do you.

**Veronica**

Betty, I will keep my word with thee.

**Betty**

I would I had your bond, for I perceive

A weak bond holds you. I’ll not trust your word.

**Veronica**

What, should I hurt him, strike him, kill him dead?

Although I hate him, I’ll not harm him so.

**Archie**

What, can you do me greater harm than hate?

Hate me--wherefore? O me, what news, my love?

Am I not Archie? Are you not Veronica?

I am as chadly now as I was erewhile.

Since night you loved me, yet since night you left me.

Why then, you left me-O, the gods forbid--

In earnest, shall I say?

**Veronica**

Be certain, nothing truer; ‘tis no jest

That I do hate thee and love Jughead.

**Archie** _ (to Jughead) _

O me, you juggler, you canker blossom

You thief of love-what, have you come by night

And stol’n my love’s hear from her?

Now I perceive that you hath made compare

Between our intelligences; you hath urged your smarts,

And with your personage, your smart personage,

Your brain, forsooth, you hath prevailed with him--

And are you grown so high in her esteen

Because I am so dumb and so low?

How dumb am I, thou weirdo? Speak,

How dumb am I? I am not yet so dumb

But that I can beat you into a pulp.

  
  


**Jughead** _ (scared) _

I pray you, though you mock me, gentleladies,

Let him not hurt me. 

Let him not strike me. You perhaps may think

Because he is slower than myself

That I can match him--

**Archie**

Slower? Hark again.

**Jughead**

Good Archie, do not be so bitter with me. 

I evermore did love you, Archie,

Did ever keep your counsels, never wronged you--

Save that in love unto Betty

I told her of your stealth unt this wood.

She followed you; for love I followed her.

But she hath chid me hence, and threatened me

To strike me, spurn me, nay to kill me too.

And now, so you will let me quiet go,

To Riverdale will I bear my folly back,

And follow you no further. Let me go.

You see how simple and how fond I am.

**Veronica** _ (to Archie) _

Get you gone, you dolt,

You minimus of gray matter made,

You dummy, you idiot.

_ (to Betty) _

Now follow, if thou dar’st, to try whose right,

Of thine or mine, is most in Jughead.

**Betty**

Follow? Nay, I’ll go with thee, cheek by jowl.

_ Exeunt . Toni and Julian come forward. _

**Toni**

This is thy negligence. Still thou mistak’st,

Or else commit’st thy knaveries willfully.

**Julian**

Believe me, queen of shadows, I mistook.

Did not you tell me I should know the woman

By the Varsity Jacket she had on?

And so far blameless proves my enterprise

That I have ‘nointed a Varsity Player’s eyes;

And so far am I glad it so did sort

As this their jangling I esteem a sport.

**Toni**

Thou seest these lovers seek a place to fight.

Hie therefore, Julian, overcast the night;

And lead these testy rivals so astray

As come not within another’s way.

Like to Veronica sometime frame thy tongue,

Then stir Betty up with bitter wrong;

Till o’er their brows death-counterfeiting sleep

With leaden legs and batty wings doth creep.

Then crush this herb into Veronica’s eye,

Whose liquor hath this virtuous property:

To take thence all error with her might,

And make her eyeballs roll with wonted sight.

When they next wake, all this derision

Shall seem a dream and fruitles vision,

And back to Riverdale shall the lovers wend

With league whose date till death shall never end.

While I in this affair do thee employ,

I’ll to my queen and beg her Vixen girl;

And then I will her charmed eye release

From monster’s view, and all things shall be peace.  _ Exit _

**Julian**

Up and down, up and down,

I will lead them up and down.

I am feared in field and town.

Goblin, lead them up and down.

Here comes one.

_ Enter Veronica _

**Veronica**

Where art thou, proud Betty?

**Julian** _ (as Betty) _

Here villain, drawn and ready!

**Veronica**

I will be with thee straight.

**Julian** _ (as Betty) _

Follow me then to plainer ground

_ Exit Veronica. Enter Betty. _

**Betty**

Veronica, speak again.

Thou runaway, thou coward, art thou fled?

Speak! In some bush? Where dost thou hide thy head?

**Julian** _ (As Veronica, shifting place) _

Thou coward, art thou bragging to the stars, 

Telling the bushes that thou look’st for wars,

And wilt not come?

_ Exit Betty. Enter Veronica _

**Veronica**

She goes before me, and still dares me on;

When I come where she calls, then she is gone.

The villain is much lighter heeled than I;

I followed fast, but faster did she fly,

That fallen am I in dark uneven way,

And here will rest me

_ She lies down _

Come, thou gentle day;

For if but once thou show me thy grey light,

I’ll find Betty, and revenge this spite.  _ She sleeps _

**Julian** _ (as Veronica, shifting place) _

Ho, ho, ho, coward, come hither, I am here.

**Betty**

Abide me if thou dar’st, for well I wot

Thou runn’st before me, shifting every place,

And dar’st not stand nor look me in the face.

Now go thy way. Faintness constraineth me

To measure out my length on this cold bed

_ She lies down _

By day’s approach look to be visited.  _ She sleeps _

_ Enter Jughead _

**Jughead**

O weary night, O long and tedious night,

Abate thy hours; shine comforts from the east

That I may back to Riverdale by daylight

From these that my poor company detest;

And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow’s eye,

Steal me a while from mine own company.

_ He lies down and sleeps _

**Julian**

Yet but three? Come one more,

Two of two kinds makes up four.

_ [Enter Archie] _

Here he comes, curst and sad.

Cupid is a knavish lad

Thus to make poor men mad.

**Archie**

Never so weary, never so in woe,

Bedabbled with the dew, and torn with briers,

I can no further crawl, no further go.

My legs can keep no pace with my desires.

Here will I rest me till the break of day.

_ He lies down _

Heavens shield Veronica, if they mean a fray.

_ He sleeps _

**Julian**

On the ground

Sleep sound.

I’ll apply

To your eye,

Gentle lover, remedy.

_ He drops the juice on Veronica’s eyelids _

When thou wak’st 

Thou tak’st

True delight

In the sight

Of thy former boytoy’s eye,

And the country proverb known,

That every woman should take her own,

In your waking shall be shown.

Jill shall have Jack,

Naught will go wack,

The man shall have his mare again,

And all shall be well.  _ Exit _

I'll be providing a quick summary of each scene as I publish them. I hope that this will help people follow the plot, even if they may be unfamiliar with the language used. :)

\--

This scene begins with Julian explaining to Toni that Cheryl has fallen in love with Reggie while he has the head of a donkey. Then, Betty and Archie enter. Archie accuses Betty of harming Veronica, since he believes there is no other way she would have left him alone in the woods. Even though Betty denies it, Archie still runs away from her, and she lies down to sleep.Toni realises Julian’s error and tells him to bring her Jughead, and she will make Betty fall in love with him. Toni drops the magic juice on Betty’s sleeping eyes, and Julian leads Jughead in, pursued by Veronica, who is confessing her love to him. Then Betty wakes up, and professes her love to Jughead. He assumes they are both making fun of him. Betty and Veronica argue, and Archie enters again. Veronica tells him that she has left him for Jughead, and Jughead thinks that Archie is in on the joke that B&V are playing on him. This ends up devolving into an argument about which man is smarter. Betty and Veronica leave the other two to go and fight in the woods for Jughead’s hand. Toni chides Julian for his mistake, and tells him to keep the lovers apart using illusion.


	7. Act 4, Scene 1

4.1 Enter Cheryl, Queen of Vixens, and Reggie with the ass-head, and Vixens: Audrey, Brigette, Nancy, and Josie.

Cheryl (to Reggie)  
Come, sit thee down upon this flow’ry bead,  
While I thy amiable cheeks do cor,  
And stick musk-roses in thy sleek smooth head,  
And kiss thy fair large ears, my gently joy.

Reggie  
Where’s Audrey?

Audrey  
Ready.

Reggie  
Scratch my head, Audrey. Where’s Brigette?

Brigette  
What’s your will?

Reggie  
Nothing, good vixen, but to help Audrey to scratch. I must to the barber’s, for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face; and I am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me I must scratch.

Cheryl  
What, wilt thou hear some music, my sweet love?

Reggie  
I have a reasonable good ear in music. Let’s have the tongs and the bones.

[Country music]

Cheryl  
Or say, sweet love, what thou desir’st to eat. 

Reggie  
Truly, a peck of provender. I could munch your good dry oats. Methinks I have a great desire to a bottle of hay. Good hay, sweet hay, hath no fellow.

Cheryl  
I have venturous vixen that shall seek  
The squirrel’s hoard, and fetch thee off new nuts.

Reggie  
I had rather have a handful or two of dried peas. But I pray you, let none of your people stir me. I have an exposition of sleep come upon me.

Cheryl  
Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms.  
Vixens, be gone, and be always away. Exeunt Vixens  
So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle  
Gentle entwist; the female ivy so  
Enrings the barky finger of the elm.  
O how I love thee, how I dote on thee!

They sleep.  
Enter Julian and Toni

Toni  
Welcome, good Julian. Seest thou this sweet sight?  
Her dotage now I do begin to pity,  
For meeting her of late behind the wood,  
Seeking sweet favors for this hateful fool,  
I did upbraid her and fall out with her,  
For she his hairy temples then had rounded  
With coronet of fresh and fragrant flowers.  
When I had at my pleasure taunted her,  
And she in mild terms begged my patience,  
I then did ask of her her new Vixen girl,  
Which straight she gave me, and her vixen sent  
To bear her to my bower in Southside.  
And now I have the girl, I will undo  
This hateful imperfection of her eyes.  
And, gentle Julian, take this transformed scalp  
From off the head of this Riverdale swain,  
That he, awaking when the other do,  
May all to Riverdale back again repair,  
And think no more of this night’s accidents  
But as the fierce vexation of a dream.  
But first I will release the Vixen Queen.  
She drops the juice on Cheryl’s eyelids  
Be as thou wast wont to be,  
See as thou wast wont to see.  
Now, my Cheryl, wake you, my sweet queen.

Cheryl (waking)  
My Toni, what visions have I seen!  
Methought I was enamoured of an ass.

Toni  
There lies your love.

Cheryl  
How came these things to pass?  
O, how mine eyes do loathe his visage now!

Toni  
Silence a while--Julian, take off his head--  
Cheryl, music call, and strike more dead  
Than common sleep of all these five the sense.

Cheryl  
Music, hoes--Music such as charmeth sleep.  
[still music]

Julian (taking the ass-head off Julian)  
Now when thou wak’st with thine own fool’s eyes peep.

Toni  
Sound music.  
Teagan and Sara’s That Girl plays  
Come my queen, take hands with me,  
And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be.  
Toni and Cheryl dance  
Now thou and I are new in amity,  
And will tomorrow midnight solemnly  
Dance in Mayor McCoy’s house, triumphantly,  
And bless it to all fair prosperity.  
There shall the pairs of faithful lovers be  
Wedded with McCoy, all in jollity.

Julian  
Poison Queen, attend and mark.  
I do hear the morning lark.

Toni  
Then, my queen, in silence sad  
Trip we after night’s shade.  
We the globe can compass soon,  
Swifter than the wand’ring moon.

Cheryl  
Come, my lord, and in our flight  
Tell me how it came this night  
That I sleeping here was found  
With these mortals on the ground.

Exeunt Toni, Cheryl, and Julian. The sleepers lie still. Wind horns sound. Enter Mayor McCoy with Mary Andrews, and Sheriff Keller with his deputies.

McCoy  
Go, one of you, find out the forester,   
For now our observation is performed;  
Dispatch, I say, and find the forester. Exit one deputy

Mary  
My Mayor, we must find the youths posthaste,  
And return in time for your wedding festivities to taste.

McCoy  
Our men shall search in Fox Forest,  
But many lovers leave and rest  
In these darkest boughs of wild,  
And so a mother weeps for her child.

Mary  
My Mayor, this is my son here asleep,  
And this is Veronica; this Betty is;  
This Jughead, old FP’s Jughead.  
I wonder of their being here together.

McCoy  
Speak Mary: is not this the day  
That Archie should give answer of his choice?

Mary  
It is, my lord.

McCoy  
Go bid the deputies wake them with their horns.  
[exit one deputy]

[Horns sound. The lovers wake. They all start up.]

Good morrow, friends. Saint Valentine is past.  
Begin these wood-birds but to couple now?

Betty  
Pardon, my mayor.  
The lovers kneel.

McCoy  
I pray you all stand up.  
The lovers stand.  
(to Betty and Veronica) I know you two are rival enemies.  
How comes this gentle concord in the world,  
That hatred is so far from jealousy  
To sleep by hate, and fear no enmity?

Veronica  
My mayor, I shall reply amazedly,  
Half sleep, half waking. But as yet, I swear,  
I cannot truly say how I came here,  
But as I think--for truly would I speak,  
And, now I do bethink me, so it is--  
I can with Archie hither. Our intent  
Was to be gone from Riverdale where we might,  
Without the peril of the Dalean law--

Mary (to McCoy)  
Enough, enough, my mayor, you have enough.  
I beg the law, the law upon her head--  
They would have stol’n away, they would, Betty,  
Thereby to have defeated you and me--  
You of your boyfriend, and me of my consent,  
Of my consent that he should be your boyfriend.

Betty (to McCoy)  
My mayor, chadly Juggy told me of their stealth,  
Of this their purpose hither to this wood,  
And I in fury hither followed them,  
Chadly Jughead in fancy following me.  
But, my good lord, I wot not by what power--  
But by some power it is--my love to Archie,  
Melted as the snow, seems to me now  
As the remembrance of an idle gaud  
Which in my childhood I did dote upon,  
And all the faith, the virtue of my heart,  
The object and the pleasure of mine eye  
Is only Jughead. To him, my mayor,  
Was I betrothed ere I see Archie.  
But like in sickness did I loathe this food;  
But, as in health come to my natural taste,  
Now I do wish it, love it, long for it,  
And will for evermore be true to it.

McCoy  
Fair lovers, you are fortunately met.  
Of this discourse we more will hear anon.--  
Mary, I will overbear your will,  
For in Thistlehouse by and by with us  
Together, these couples shall dance  
Away with us to Riverdale. Three and three,  
We’ll hold a feast in great solemnity  
Come, Tom

Exit Mayor McCoy with Keller, Mary, and the deputies.

Betty  
These things seem small and undistinguishable.  
Like far-off mountains turned into clouds.

Archie  
Methinks I see these things with parted eye,  
When everything seems double.

Jughead  
So methinks,  
And I have found Betty like a jewel,  
Mine own and not mine own.

Betty  
It seems to me  
That yet we sleep, we dream. Do not you think  
The Mayor was here and bid us follow her?

Archie  
Yea, and my mother.

Jughead  
And Sheriff Keller.

Veronica  
And he did bid us follow to the temple.

Betty  
Why then, we are awake. Let’s follow him,  
And by the way let us recount our dreams.

Exeunt the lovers

Reggie wakes

Reggie  
...When my cue comes, call me, and I will answer.My next is ‘most fair Pyramus’. Heigh-ho. Kevin?Fangs? Dilton? Ethel? God’s my life! Stolen hence, and left me asleep?--I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream past the wit of man to say what dream it was. Man is but an ass if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was--There is no man can tell what. Methought I was, and methought I had--but no man is but a patched fool if he will offer to say what methought I had. The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man’s hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report what my dream was. I will get Kevin to write a ballad of this dream. It shall be called ‘Bottom’s Dream’, because I am a bottom, and I will sing it in the latter end of a play, before the Mayor. Peradventure, to make it the more gracious, I shall sing it at her death. Exit

I'll be providing a quick summary of each scene as I publish them. I hope that this will help people follow the plot, even if they may be unfamiliar with the language used. :)  
\--

This scene begins with Cheryl continuing to dote on donkey-headed Reggie. They fall asleep on her bower, and Toni and Julian enter. Toni explains that, off-screen, she convinced Cheryl to give her the Vixen she wanted, and so she will release Cheryl from her infatuation with Reggie. She drops the juice on Cheryl’s eyelids again, making her fall out of love with Reggie. She wakes up, they fix their relationship, and dance. They leave, and the Core Four continue to sleep, until Mayor McCoy, Mary Andrews, and Sheriff Keller enter, searching for the youths. They find them, and wake them up. Veronica explains what they were doing in the woods, and Betty tells them that she is in love with Jughead now. They leave, and Reggie wakes, exclaiming about the amazing dream he had.


End file.
